This week, Polygon has been celebrating the winners of the entertainment world â the ones who came, saw, and conquered in a variety of exciting and morally irresponsible matchups. But to wind the week down, we want to call attention to the ones who so frequently go overlooked: the losers.
One eternal question spans all of pop culture: “Who would win?” That’s why we’re dedicating an entire week to debates that have shaped comics, movies, TV, and games, for better and worse. Prepare yourself for Polygon’s Who Would Win Week.
What is a loser? Can love bloom between losers on a battlefield? Why do we gravitate toward them, even though, by definition, theyâre constantly doing the very thing we root for them not to do? To answer these questions, the Polygon staff pulled together our favorite 25 losers in video games, a realm where winning is usually the whole deal. Each entry interprets the label a bit differently, prioritizing anything from lovability to the literal frequency of defeat â but they all betray a profound appreciation for the has-beens, afterthoughts, and wannabes of the interactive medium.
Oh and, to add even more salt to their wounds further celebrate their accolades, we ranked them.
25. Bottles (Banjo-Kazooie, Banjo-Tooie)
Bottles is the ultimate video game sad sack. He spends the entirety of Banjo-Kazooie teaching bear and bird to execute basic moves in a tired, ho-hum tone. And just as the duo has incorporated Bottles into their friend group, inviting him to poker night, he gets zapped to death on Banjo & Kazooieâs lawn at start of the second game. From unsung tutorial hero to a pile of ashes in 10 minutes time, Bottles is the biggest loser in Banjo-Kazooie and Banjo-Tooie. âRyan Gilliam
24. Lydia (The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim)
She is sworn to carry your burdens. âNicole Clark
23. Emil (Nier, Nier: Automata, Nier Replicant)
He simply loses so much throughout the Nier franchise. In Nier: Replicant, Emil loses his sister to terrible experiments that turn her into a monstrous weapon â and after defeating her, Emil is transformed from a sweet, young boy to a fantastical creature wearing a spherical helmet with a Cheshire Cat grin. The events leading up to, and through, Nier: Automata involve Emil copying himself repeatedly in order to fight a robot threat. Each copy dilutes Emilâs personality further, until he has lost himself completely. Heâs one of the most tragic, and beloved, characters in games. âNicole Clark
22. Waddle Dees (Kirby series)
They blindly serve King Dedede, and are typically expendable, vanilla enemies. But now that theyâve been kidnapped in Kirby and the Forgotten Land?! They can never win. âNicole Clark
21. Dan Hibiki (Street Fighter series)
Designed as a weak character so anyone who managed to win with him would get bragging rights, Dan was Capcomâs favorite punching bag throughout the mid-â90s. And maybe a little poke at SNK, too. âMatt Leone
20. Monkey (Monkey Ball series)
This poor monkey falls to its death, constantly. âNicole Clark
19. Billy Coen (Resident Evil Zero)
Of the many Resident Evil characters who could have made this list, none of them whiffs on the forced edginess that defines much of the series like Billy does. I like tattoos, and I like tank tops, but this dude is so into himself that he makes it impossible for anyone else to like him. âMike Mahardy
18. Pokey/Porky Minch (Earthbound/Mother series)
Earthbound has a real villain, but Pokey is a total heel who weasels his way through the whole game, appearing at the right hand of bigger and bigger bosses, but never actually posing a threat. His greatest asset is his loser dialog, ending his final letter to you with the iconic âspankety spankety spankety.â âChelsea Stark
17. Captain Toad (Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker, Super Mario 3D World)
An entire game revolves around this Toad getting lost. Find him? He should find himself. âNicole Clark
16. Grunts (Halo series)
Theyâre easy to kill, easy to scare, and in the end, easy to love â the true embodiment of video game cannon fodder (excluding that one grunt that always manages to kill me when Iâm hiding to let my shields recharge on Legendary difficulty â that guy is a winner if ever there was one). âMike Mahardy
15. Peter Dinklageâs Ghost (Destiny)
Peter Dinklageâs Ghost existed in Destiny just long enough to get memed on (âThat wizard, it came from the moon!â) and become a permanent goof in the community. Then, he was replaced only a year later by prolific and pervasive video game VO superstar Nolan North. Dinklebot went from capital G Ghost to the ghost of Destiny past. âRyan Gilliam
14. JojaMart (Stardew Valley)
Finish the Community Center and kick that ghoulish corporation out of Pelican Town. âNicole Clark
13. Lorenz (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Despite his late-game â letâs say, slight redemption arc â Lorenz spends much of his time in Fire Emblem: Three Houses being a creep to at Garreg Mach Monastery, while also turning his nose up at anyone he perceives to be beneath him (aka everyone). âMike Mahardy
12. Brewster (Animal Crossing series)
Sits alone in a cafe waiting for guests. Serves those guests his own pigeon milk. âNicole Clark
11. Johnny Sasaki (Metal Gear Solid series)
Although he spends most of the Metal Gear Solid games pooping his pants (heâs doing exactly that inside of the fuel drum in the image above), itâs hard not to fall for the endearing soldier who bungles almost every basic task heâs given. âMike Mahardy
10. Tingle (The Legend of Zelda series, spinoffs)
There are no lukewarm opinions when it comes to Tingle, the iconic misfit of The Legend of Zelda. He is reviled for his role in The Wind Wakerâs fetch quests; he is revered as a champion of all things weird; he is constantly appearing to distract Link from his holy quests. He is not at all what I would call a âwinner,â and better yet, he doesnât seem to care. Plus, he rocks the absolute hell out of those tights. âMike Mahardy
9. Alexios (Assassinâs Creed Odyssey)
Despite many players opting for him over his counterpart Kassandra, Alexios was later confirmed to be the non-canon protagonist of Assassinâs Creed Odyssey. In other words, even Ubisoft, the manâs very creator, didnât consider him to be the âofficialâ hero of the story. Talk about a Greek tragedy! âMike Mahardy
8. Bowser (Mario franchise)
Bowser used to be a threat. He used to be a big, scary dragon-turtle-man with his own army, a host of weird children/co-horts, and a propensity for hanging out around lava pits. But Bowser has gone soft. Heâs out there playing tennis, racing karts, and getting folded up into origami pieces by the ârealâ villain. Instead of being Marioâs big bad, heâs been downgraded to a goober who usually comes around to help Mario take down an even bigger threat for the good of the Mushroom Kingdom. âRyan Gilliam
7. Glass Joe (Punch-Out!! series)
As a boxer, it is a bad sign if your nickname includes the word âGlass.â Or if youâre the first opponent in Punch-Out!! âPete Volk
6. Rival Trainer (Pokémon series)
A rotating character archetype that exists almost solely to to test playersâ progress between tougher, far more exciting gym battles. Even calling a fight with your rival a âtestâ is being generous. Itâs more like a quiz you didnât study for at all, yet still manage to ace with the bare minimum number of brain cells. âMike Mahardy
5. Zagreus (Hades)
Him losing is the entire point! Die lots, and climb out of Hades. âNicole Clark
4. Samus (Metroid series)
You ever start a game all excited about what you can do, then lose your powers and have to start from scratch to collect them all again, then realize it had to be that way or the game design wouldnât have been nearly as interesting? Thank Samus. âMatt Leone
3. Waluigi (Mario franchise)
For not being in Super Smash Bros., but still having a massive fanbase who wants him to be in Super Smash Bros. Many, many DLC packs after Super Smash Bros. Ultimateâs launch, this poor fellow still canât catch a break and join his frenemies. It seems like he will forever remain an assist trophy, part of the fun only in the loosest sense, watching from the window and waiting to be let in. âPetrana Radulovic
2. Sega
Following the back-to-back failures of the Saturn and the Dreamcast, Sega ended its decade-and-a-half run as Nintendoâs favorite rival and a dominant force in video games. The companyâs leadership spent a few years dabbling in different areas, but following a merger with Sammy (best known for pachinko), Sega took on a new life. Sonic appeared in Mario games; Persona became the must-play JRPG; Yakuza got fantastic localizations and became a legitimate hit in the West. And Sonic, well, Sonicâs games arenât always great, but the character has never been more relevant between comics, TV shows, merch, and a budding movie series. Sega is the (second) best loser in the history of video games and a reminder that a historic comeback is only possible after a historic defeat. âChris Plante
1. Me, playing Elden Ring (Elden Ring)
âYou Diedâ has become my rallying cry. I am the loser here. âNicole Clark