‘The Ballad of the Witches’ Road’ covers, ranked

Since it comes from songwriters Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez — known for “Let It Go,” the original “Agatha All Along” song, and other such earworms — it’s no surprise that “The Ballad of the Witches’ Road” is infectiously good and being played in a constant loop in my head.

But which Witches’ Road (ba-dum tss) is the best to seekest? Well, after many, many, many listens, here’s my official ranking (to be updated as we collect more covers).

I don’t know what it is about the live version, but even though it’s basically just the Sacred Chant version, divorced of context it feels a little weird! I don’t know why! Anyway, I’m not counting it officially because it wasn’t performed in the text of the show, and having that context elevates it from that weird liminal space.

OK, Kathryn Hahn does an admirable job leading this cover, but it’s not quite the ’70s soft rock version that Lorna’s version of the ballad ought to be. There’s still a lot of Musical Theater™ in Hahn’s voice, and while the song itself is inherently good, it still feels like the show choir version of a Fleetwood Mac song. I appreciate that in the context of the episode it’s a really powerful moment where Alice recognizes that the song was written to protect her, but while the instruments are good, the vocals undermine the rock energy.

I love Japanese Breakfast as much as the next half-Asian half-white girl who wept while reading Crying in H-Mart, but unfortunately this cover isn’t really doing it for me. It’s definitely better than the “cover” cover; the vocals feels more cohesive in terms of the genre the song is trying to emulate. However, it’s not really doing anything that really sells it as the “pop” version, or even enough to distinguish it from the Lorna Wu version, except for having a new singer. It’s nice! But not as distinct as the other versions of the song.

I didn’t even fully clock this one as a “Witches’ Road” cover when it came on my Spotify shuffle the other day (in my defense, they swap out “witches” with “winding”). Rock singer Matthew Mayfield adds a nice and gritty quality to the song, and it really just fits the genre it’s supposed to be for. This could absolutely just be the intro to a detective drama! Still, it earns its spot here on the list because it’s not really witchy enough.

Now this is the ’70s soft rock/Fleetwood Mac vibes I was looking for! The bridge especially is giving Stevie Nicks in the 1976 live recording of “Rhiannon” right when she gets all intense. This version is sung by South Korean singer Seo Moon Tak, who’s known for her powerful voice and wide vocal range, and damn, does it show! We don’t actually hear the full version of this one in the show, which is a shame, because it really evokes the musical genre it’s supposed to be.

It’s chilling. It’s creepy. It has all the actresses fully flexing their singing chops in gorgeous and haunting harmonies. It’s also the most witchy of all the versions! This is the one that’s going to be added to Halloween party playlists, the one that is going on a Spotify daylist called “spooky witchy sunday afternoon” or something like that. It’s beautiful, but also unsettling in the way that witches should be! Even Mrs. Hart, who doesn’t know any of the lyrics, can join in here! It’s the quintessential version of the song — and fittingly, the best. For now, at least.